Barren Vows (Fates of the Bound Book 3) Read online

  “All men want to be senators, even the workborn,” Lila said, pausing in her pacing, annoyed that Jewel had brought up their brothers.

  “All men?”

  “Yes. Few are lucky enough to be the firstborn sons of a highborn family. They have the chance to become the most powerful men in all of Saxony.”

  “Not all men want such a life, just like not all women want to be heirs to a family. Ms. Wilson didn’t. You didn’t.”

  “It’s not the same thing.”

  “It’s not? Pax has never had designs for such a future, and you know it.”

  Lila leaned against the window. “This conversation is between you and me. Don’t bring them into this.”

  “Why not?” Jewel said, standing up. She stepped closer, and her eyes darted to her closed bedroom door and the door beyond it. “Would you have sent Pax to Bullstow in Shiloh’s place?” she asked quietly. “Even now, even knowing that he would fail, knowing that he would be miserable? For gods’ sake, you would have stood by while Pax was forced to lie with women just so Shiloh could—”

  “No one forces the men of Bullstow to do anything,” Lila whispered, also casting a glance at the bedroom door. “There are plenty of things they can choose beside politics. The ones like Pax have children among the highborn anyway, at least until they find lovers or husbands. Others spend their days as educators or lawyers, happily coupled with one another from the start. They tend to the sons of Bullstow while their brothers dabble in politics. It’s actually the best place for boys like—”

  “You don’t know that!”

  “Actually, I do. I based my career on seeking out information and protecting it, a career you’ve tossed into the flames. Who shushed up your first year at Bokington before the papers caught wind? I haven’t spent my adult years painting pictures and plucking fruit from High House. Some of us—”

  “You shut your mouth right now,” Jewel shouted, stabbing her finger at Lila’s chest. “It is because I’ve done what I’ve done that you had the opportunity to become the chief of security, so don’t you dare pretend that you’re better than me now. I might have had my fun, but you’re not the only one who has worked.” Jewel’s pupils shrank to pinpricks as she stepped into the light. “Grow up, Lila, and take your turn for the family.”

  Lila studied the woman before her, a woman who shrank a bit under her scrutiny.

  “I think you just grew teeth, Jewel. Perhaps you aren’t so hopeless after all.”

  Jewel took her finger back, surprised and disgusted by her own violence, then plopped down on the couch in exhaustion. “I’m sorry. I’m just so tired.”

  “Obviously. You were raised to think more intelligently about these things. Marriage, Jewel? Humans weren’t made for one partner. You’ll end up miserable. Go talk to Commander Sutton if you don’t—”

  “Commander Sutton isn’t miserable. She and her husband enjoy fighting with one another. Sometimes people want more from life than a series of lovers.”

  “Why do you have to turn it into a contract, then?”

  “You would get hung up on that. It’s not a business contract. It’s an emotional one. I get that you’re upset, Lila, but—”

  “Upset? You don’t know the meaning of the word. My life is over, Jewel, don’t you understand that? For what? A man? Your man? A man you’ll cast aside in a few years once you get bored, then use the angst as inspiration for a series of paintings? Of course, I shouldn’t be upset at all.”

  Jewel laid her head against the cushions. “Sometimes I forget how selfish you can be. You think you’re better than her, but you’re not. At least Mother wept for me.”

  “Wept?” Lila snorted. It was harder to imagine her mother weeping than Jewel giving a competent speech before the High Council of Judges.

  “I can see that even now you do not understand. I shouldn’t have to point out what should be plain. You’re not the only one whose life is ruined, but you’re so full of your own problems that you don’t see anyone else’s. You didn’t even stop to think about what I have lost, what my Louis has lost. Pardon me if I don’t have any more tears to spare for you right now.”

  Lila licked her lips, her bluster gone. “I’m sorry.”

  Jewel straightened her shoulders, inclining her head.

  “Your life isn’t over, though. You could still have a house full of children. You’re prime. Take other lovers. If you just found someone—”

  “Don’t say it,” Jewel interrupted, putting her hand up in the air. “You wouldn’t understand the rest of that sentence anyway, and I’ll only get mad at you again.”

  “My apologies,” Lila said, but only because her sister looked so miserable.

  “What a fine pair we make. Neither of us got what we wanted in the end.”

  Lila had no idea how to respond. “It’s not all bad. You’ll get to spend more time in your studio now. Mother will likely goad me into having so many children that you’ll move into an empty heir’s home, just for the quiet. You’ll have plenty of nieces and nephews to occupy your time.”

  Jewel gave a strange, strangled sort of sound, a cross between a laugh and a cry.

  Lila squeezed her shoulder and took it as a cue to escape.

  Chapter 4

  Lila settled into her seat at her father’s table, shifting on the golden-upholstered cushion. The craftsman had fashioned the chair from pale ash, shaping the legs into curving stems and carving roses along the side. The table mirrored it, a beautiful antique that Bullstow had likely owned for at least a century.

  A servant in a golden coat and breeches poured hot chocolate into china mugs. He placed a tray of chocolate chip cookies on the table, the crockery clinking as it touched. Leaving the kettle behind, he bowed himself from the room.

  The suite door snicked from far away, audible in the silence.

  Neither Lila nor her father touched the cookies.

  Lemaire sat at the table like an aging warrior only recently returned from war, still muscular and full of life, filling out his white coat and breeches. The hue brought out the silver in his short beard and hair.

  Lila ignored his stare. She looked over his shoulder through the large open window, turning away from the sweet scent of chocolate. Even at the center of Bullstow, she could hear the protestors chanting at the gate, shouting something incomprehensible about the Holguíns and Oskar Kruger. The men of Bullstow ignored them, walking to and fro several stories below, all dressed in their coats and breeches. Some wore the black of the Saxony Senate, others the burgundy of New Bristol. Others had donned the colors of their respective cities, early arrivals for the weekend’s festivities. They swarmed in and out of various marble buildings in muted voices, trying to finish their senate business before the Closing Ceremony.

  They only had two days left.

  She only had two days left.

  Her father’s chair creaked. “Lila, about what you said last time we spoke—”

  “Is that why you asked me to lunch?”

  “No.”

  “Good, because I really don’t want to talk about that right now.”

  “Fine. Perhaps you’d like to talk about the oracle instead,” he said, interlacing his fingers.

  Lila whipped her head from the window. “What?”

  “You and the oracle. You both seem to be friends now.”

  “Friends with the oracle? Have you gone mad?”

  “Oh, did you have a quarrel with her, too?” He took his palm from his coat pocket and laid it on the table with a dull rattle. “She’s called me three times now.”

  “She called you?”

  “She’s requested that you come visit her in the temple. I’m to talk you into it.”

  “Why on earth would I go visit the temple?”

  “I don’t know. I thought you could tell me. She promised that she’d convin
ce the Sioux Falls oracle to stop her assault in the press. The woman hasn’t let up on me since you returned her daughter.”

  “You want me to go see the oracle so that she’ll kill a story for you?”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Her father tucked his palm back in his pocket. “I’m not even sure how she knew we’d be meeting today. I should be in Unity.”

  “There’s still time to go back.”

  “Now I know how your mother feels,” Lemaire muttered. “We’ve never fought before, Lila, and I didn’t ask you here to fight again. That’s not how we are together. I don’t like it.”

  “I don’t like it either.”

  “Good. I’ve had time to settle down and think in the last week. You always have a reason for what you do, and I understand that reason now. I pushed you too hard and too soon after all that business with Peter Kruger, and you did what you did because you saw yourself in those children. Chief Shaw and I have spoken. He’s not happy about playing politics with the oracles, but he has his hands full with the Holguín investigation, so he’s leaving them to me. I’m meeting with the oracles next month, unofficially, to discuss this business with hiding their young.”

  “They won’t tolerate your interference.”

  “And I won’t tolerate them wasting militia resources. We might have found Oskar and his sister if Chief Shaw had not been forced to divert his resource.” He nudged the plate of cookies, bumping her arm. “Come on, Lila girl. Eat something. Chef Mathieu won’t be finished with lunch for another two hours”

  “I’m not hungry. I didn’t even finish breakfast.”

  “You should eat something anyway,” he said softly. “Your appointment is this evening.”

  “Don’t tell me what to do. That’s all anyone seems to do these days.”

  The prime minister searched her face. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. Bea told me last night, but I wasn’t allowed to warn you. Duty is not always what one desires.”

  “I was dutiful. I had a clear trajectory in my life. I protected the family as chief. I protected Bullstow and Saxony through our work together. Now I’m to make money for the Randolph family? Is that all that my life has become? It’s bullshit, Father.”

  “It’s not bullshit,” he said, crinkling his nose as he cursed. “This is just a different way of protecting your family. Money equals power and privilege and security. You can’t have those things without it.”

  He pushed the cookies forward again.

  Lila shoved them away. “Happiness and security can be had without money.”

  “Tell it to the poorer classes.”

  “Chef Ana is happy.”

  “Yes, Chef Ana is happy. She’s contracted with a very powerful family, and she’s one of the highest paid chefs in the state. When her daughter was very ill, that powerful family pressed an entire team of doctors into service. It never would have happened if Bea hadn’t gotten involved. If anyone in Chef Ana’s family falls ill again, she can reasonably expect that your mother will marshal her resources once more. It’s power and privilege and security by proxy.”

  “So it all goes back to that?”

  “It always has. Chef Ana will always be at your mother’s beck and call. How much would you enjoy the Randolphs laboring under the whims of the Holguíns or the Weberlys?”

  “Gods, you’re trying to talk me into it.” Lila had thought he would help her find a loophole—not that she deserved one. “You want me to agree.”

  “I thought you already had. I’m sorry, Lila girl. I had hoped things might be different.”

  “You expected this all along, didn’t you?”

  Her father nodded, eyes heavy. “I knew how it would turn out. I’d hoped to stop it last night by offering your mother the Unity hospital contract in exchange for your chief’s contract. She didn’t go for it, though. She still thinks that she can get the job on her own merits, and she’s probably correct.”

  “She has hundreds of Randolph women she could choose from, and yet she believes that I am the only one who can succeed her. It’s madness. Others want it more. Others have more experience.”

  “It’s how it has always worked, Lila, and there’s never been any doubt that you’re the best candidate for it.”

  “It’s not how it always works. Many northern families don’t tie everything up by birthright any longer. And why am I the best candidate? Because I succeeded with Randolph General? I was fourteen years old, Father. Nothing I did was my idea. Everything came from my advisors.”

  “From what I heard, you did have one or two novel ideas, but you’re right. Most of it did come from your advisors. You rejected a fair number of their bad ideas and quite a few atrocious ones. Your mother insisted they give you the spectrum. In the end, you sifted through the lot and picked the most profitable course of action, better than what Bea would have picked herself. You dared where she would not.”

  He rubbed his chin, his beard raking against his nails in the quiet. “Lila, do you think it’s any different with me and your mother? She’s not a successful chairwoman because she has good ideas on her own. She’s successful because she surrounds herself with intelligent, savvy people and listens to what they have to say. She then sifts through the muck and selects the course she believes is right. It’s what leaders do. It’s what you did with Randolph General all those years ago, and it’s what you’ve always done with your militia. You’ve been training as chairwoman this entire time. You just didn’t know it.”

  “Fuck you.” Lila hopped up from her place and paced around the table, her chair wobbling in place until it settled.

  “Your mother didn’t come up with the plan. After it became clear you’d never willingly take on the prime role, she employed a dozen psychologists to suggest possible ways to change your mind. You haven’t been sparring against your mother all these years. You’ve been parrying blows from the best minds money can buy. I think you’ve done rather well, considering.”

  “You let me think I’d won?”

  “Think?” Lemaire snorted, and sipped his hot chocolate. “I’d thought that you had. Perhaps not the prize you wanted, but a prize nonetheless.”

  “What’s that?”

  “A reprieve. A chance to live the life you wanted, at least for a time. A chance to know exactly what might have been, to know that you’d accomplished what you’d always wanted. That’s what Bea did for you, Lila, whether you appreciate it or not. She never got that chance.”

  Lila turned away.

  “Should I have told you that it wouldn’t last forever, even though you knew deep down it wouldn’t? Should I have taken the pleasure of your occupation away from you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Getting mad at me isn’t going to change a thing. Even if Jewel hadn’t decided upon marriage, Bea would have pulled you from the security office eventually. We both know that. She hoped you’d get bored with the militia and come to the decision on your own. If Jewel hadn’t given up her position for marriage, she would have let you continue for a little while longer. That was what she wanted for you, and that’s what she claimed would happen eventually. She wanted it to be your idea.”

  “I’m not bored. I like being chief.”

  “Really? I rather thought you were a bit too interested whenever I called you for a job.”

  Lila did not rise to the bait. “Now your jobs will just go away? Just like that? Who will you call in my stead?”

  “Chief Shaw will have to figure that out. I’m up for election in the Allied Council this season. Head Councilman Abbot is finally stepping down, and I have enough votes to take the empty slot. If all goes to plan, I’ll be a councilman next session, crafting policy for the entire Allied Lands from the comfort of Paris.”

  “And then you’ll make a play for head councilman in a few years?” Lila asked, unable to muster the energy to celebrate h
is achievement. “You’ll have your legacy, and I’ve lost mine. I’m to spend the rest of my life, mulling over spreadsheets and mergers, playing tennis and having tea with the other matrons, all so we can close deals and approve legislation.”

  “You’re to conquer, Lila. How you do it is up to you. Despite what you believe, you are the best woman for the job.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you care,” he snapped. “You care about everyone in Saxony, not just the Randolphs or the other highborn, but all of them. Why do you think the workborn and the slaves respect you? Do you think it’s because of the blackcoat?”

  He jammed his finger into the table. “It’s something I’ve tried to instill in you since the day you were born, not so you would take these jobs I keep offering you, but so you would act reasonably when you became chairwoman. You’re my legacy too, Lila. I didn’t want you to be the sort of matron who mows down the poorer classes just to make a few extra credits. Bea didn’t care about any of that until we met. I had to teach her to do so.”

  Lila paused in her pacing. “Jewel cares.”

  “No, she doesn’t. Jewel cares about herself. She always has. Why else did she so easily give up her role as soon as she wanted something else? Today she wants to try marriage.”

  “Tomorrow she’ll want to try divorce.”

  “I’ll get her father involved if she tries that. Maybe he’ll be able to make a dent.”

  “Where is he?”

  “Off finishing a mural on some backwoods city council building. Jewel probably won’t listen to him, anyway. She surpassed his talent when she turned fifteen, and that’s all she’s ever really respected. I pity Senator Dubois. I didn’t know he’d fallen in love with her. I don’t know what will become of him if she throws him away.”

  Lila shuffled back to the table and sat down, finally pouring herself a cup of hot chocolate. “I’ll make sure he’s not tossed out of the compound if Bullstow does not accept him back. I’ve always been fond of Louis.”